Firm but loving guidelines for filling out this worksheet:
- Be real and honest with yourself. No one else needs to read what you enter here unless you want them to.
Write down your answers. This externalizes what you’re thinking inside your head.
Write down what first comes to mind or what your gut instincts tell you. This is not the time to analyze, judge, or police yourself. If the thoughts and judgements of other people begin to cloud you, block them out! Tell them to leave. They are not allowed here.
Read the questions and your own answers aloud back to yourself when you’re done.
You may need to do this worksheet more than once. The first time is to get your artificial answers out of your system. The next time is to put your honest answers. And so on.
a) Have you ever read, watched, or listened to a story (or a part of one) that
_turned you on?
_disturbed but fascinated you?
_annoyed or angered you for reasons you didn’t care to unpack/couldn’t understand?
_stayed on your mind for a long time afterwards?
_some other impression or reaction?
What was it about that story (or stories)? Write down what you remember.
b) Do you have fantasies that you want to make real?
Important: Your fantasies don’t necessarily have to be erotic or sexually charged.
Are these fantasies ones you choose to think about?
Are they ones that show up when you aren’t expecting them?
Write them down now.
c) Are there taboo things that you won’t even let yourself think about? That you push from your mind or avoid? That you don’t believe you can talk to other people about?
Write them down now. Take your time.
d) Is there something that you long to experience that seems impossible? What is it?
Do you hear, read about, or see/watch others doing that impossible thing or some variation of that thing?
How does that make you feel?
What makes others able to do it?
What prevents you from doing it?
e) Use this space to vent about your own interpersonal and/or sexual hang-ups and interactions. This can include desires and habits that conflict with your current self identifications.
f1) If negative constraints disappeared from their influence on your circumstances, what could happen? Interpret this question however you like.
f2) If trust and safety were not issues, what conflicted, contradictory, someone-will-judge-me things would you feel able to indulge in?
Now pause and read your answers out loud before moving on to the next section.
1) How are you feeling right now?
2) Do you notice any themes or recurring topics in your answers? If not noticeable themes, are you thinking about something now that you weren’t before?
•) You can now use the contents of this worksheet to flesh out a story that gives you a (perhaps troubled) thrill to write (and hopefully another thrill to read to someone else). You can start by describing a setting, a feeling, a dialogue exchange, an observation, and so on. Write messy if you need. You can clean it up later.
•) Stories need not follow the linear Western narrative structure, which has been drilled into many of our heads. There need not be a climax nor conflict. Cycles and change can structure stories as well.
•) Someone will want to read what you want to write. You can share anonymously or under a pen name. Many people also greatly enjoy being read to. Take your time reading. Feel the syllables on your tongue, the letters against your teeth. Enjoy your own breath as you read. Move slowly. You’re in no rush.
Moreover, reading out loud can be a useful technique for getting a feel of the story flow.